Really Bad Movie Cliches
Some things happen in movies and only in movies.
Here are a few of my favs.
The 3rd party shooter
So, we are closing in on the end of the movie, the supremely evil villain has our dashing hero dead to rights (whatever that means). Just as the villain is about to squeeze the trigger....BANG!!! The hero checks himself for the bullet hole....BUT HE'S OKAY!!!! Suddenly the villain slumps over with blood trickling from his mouth. IT'S A FUCKING MIRACLE FOLKS!!!!
Who shot the villain??? Why it was the hero's partner/love interest/best buddy whom we were sure the villain disposed of 5 minutes before when he emptied his clip in their back. I sure didn't see that one coming!!!
This guy was a bad ass in Die Hard....until he was wasted by Urkel's dad.
Then there is the cousin to the 3rd party shooter, and that is when the partner/love interest/best buddy takes a bullet for the hero. If that happens, oh boy...look out. The hero is gonna be pissed. Memo to bad guys everywhere; When taking aim at the hero, watch out for the diving partner/lover/buddy!
Praying alone in an empty church
Our hero/leading man has something heavy weighing on his mind. He's in church at some ungodly hour (pun somewhat intended) praying. At some point, the pastor is bound to walk over to console him (It would be much funnier if he handed him the collection plate)
Who does this? Are churches unlocked and open for business 24/7?
The Angry Police Chief
Come on! Do all Police Chiefs have bugs up their collective arses?
Why are they always riding Marion Cobretti and Martin Riggs?
Sure the collateral damage they've caused is through the roof, but these motherfuckers get the job done!
On second though, you'd be an asshole too if you had to supervise this douche bag.
The car that just won't start.
"We are gonna get away! Sure the evil doer is approaching with varying amounts of haste, but we've got just enough time to fire up my trusty '79 Regal and skeeeeedaddle!!" Wrwrwrwrwrrrrrr.....wrwrwrwrwrwrwrrrrr "Uh-oh"
"Quick, the zombies are coming! Everyone pile in!"
The Hero shoulder shot
Also during the climax of any action movie, the villain has the hero in his sites, squeezes the trigger BAM!!.....right in the shoulder! Ensuring that the hero will be just healthy enough to still dispose of the villain in a highly dramatic fashion. (Usually by chucking him off a roof, mountain top, or other location of extreme altitude. I guess movie goers just love watching bad guys fall from high places)
Well, that's all I got for now.
Please feel free to add any I may have missed (yes, all 7 of you!!).
One quick rule, avoid 80s movie cliches. Those have been exposed and beaten to death.
From the sick and twisted mind of Beetle at 8:59 AM
5 Comments:
Ah yes, and picking any sort of lock with a paper clip.
Or the whole deciphering the computer password gig. Or determining that an alien supercomputer is compatible with a Mac (of course it is).
Damn! We might need to run a sequel to this article.
4:07 PM
Just how can someone fix code for a computer program by finding the exact problem in 5 seconds and replacing it with 6 keystrokes?
I can't believe you didn't bring up the "Well, seeing as how I am sure you will die, I will reveal my entire plan to you now".
Of course there is the one Austin Powers addressed with "why set up an elaborate death when you could just shoot the good guy?"
And just how much ammo can one gun hold? A handgun with a clip of approx. 12 shots that fires 70 without reload? How the fuck?
And I would just like to point out that in Die Hard, the black cop was Urkel's neighbor, not father, thus making him slightly less ridiculous.
12:03 PM
Yeah, I didn't cover the "bad guy reveals elaborate plan precisely because Dr and Scott Evil had already exposed it.
Endless ammunition is an excellent one.
I actually found out that the cop wasn't Urkel's Dad whilst researching this article, but the comment is simply funnier than it would be if I had said; "....until he was wasted by Urkel's neighbor...you know the fat black guy?? No NO! He wasn't his father! NO HE WASN'T!! What's that?? 20 bucks?? Okay! Here's the proof http;www.IMDB.com/familymatters Ha! Pay up sucker! What do you mean we didn't shake? You fucking Kike! Your gonna Jew me out of my 20 bucks? Fuck you asshole! What? WHAT?!?!?! Oh yeah?? Remember your ex Sally? She blew me at Tim Johnson's kegger last year! Then she was making out with you like 5 minutes later. (Huge brawl insues)
So, as you can see, for the safety and comedy reasons, he became Urkel's dad.
2:27 PM
Lassie? What is it, girl?
1:08 PM
The original Die Hard was on cable this weekend (one of the movie channels too, so it was uncut....which makes a huge difference. I've been so used to watching the watered down version on TNT, I forgot how bad-ass that movie really is).
Anyways, Die Hard contained 3 of the cliches that I mentioned.
3rd party shooter, Angry Chief, and the Hero shoulder shot. If only that bitch Holly Geniero would have been blasted by Hans Gruber while John Maclean was praying at the chapel inside the Nakatomi building....we would have had the ultimate cliche cincofecta!
9:23 AM
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